Supportive (and not so) friends

**Disclaimer - the following post is simply my thoughts and opinions on this topic and is not necessarily factual or proven***

Never underestimate how much you can gain from sharing your weight loss journey with friends and family.
Frankly, I believe the success you experience can be attributed to how much support you receive as you make healthier choices. Being accountable to someone other than yourself can be wonderful when you fall off the Mojo wagon or are having a rough time in your personal life but still want to stay focussed.

I am fortunate to have many supportive people in my life as I make these changes. DH is of course my most avid cheerleader. Never could I have anticipated that he would be so on board with this. Having never had a weight problem himself, and having some rather harsh judgements about overweight/obese people when we first got together (I was slimmer then and he never really understood why I got p*ssed off with him), I could never have foreseen how amazing he could be.
He cooks most of the meals in our house (which I think he does out of personal safety rather than enjoyment as I am really a shocking cook) and goes out of his way to make them within points and nutritionally balanced. He also enables me to find the time to track, plan and exercise. Without him in my corner, I would have faced many more challenges along the way.
As a result of choosing to embrace this lifestyle, he has learned a few things along the way about health and nutrition. He now runs and has completely changed his tune over his preconceived notions of those who struggle with their weight. He is more emphatic, and goes in to bat for us when others share the thoughts that he used to have. I'm proud of him for choosing to do this with me.

I have also had the privilege of making some incredibly good friends though Weight Watchers. Back in June '09, a group of us started an 8 week challenge on the message boards. We all got on like a house on fire and nearly a year and numerous challenges later, we are still speaking daily. Whether its via the WW boards, Facebook, or even text messages, these 7 wonderful friends are there for me whenever I need them.
Next Friday I get to meet them for the very first time in 'real life'. All 8 of us are going to Sydney for a weekend of chaos and I couldn't be more excited. We've cried with each other, vented our frustrations and cheered each other on. We have celebrated many wonderful weigh in's and commiserated over bad ones. We have shared almost every facet of our lives with each other and our commitment to ourselves and each other never fails to amaze me.
Would it be weird to say that these women are now among my best friends? Probably... but I'll say it anyway, and with pride.

I love you girls

Like many others though, I have also had my fair share of Toxic Friends . The ones that start out supportive but slowly become less so. The ones that from the word Go would say to your face that you wouldn't stick with it, or despite knowing that you are making better choices, try to passively sabotage your efforts. It can be very difficult to manage these friendships. And also to understand their motives. Some are Toxic out of a fear that you will look better than them. Others because it highlights that they could also be doing something about their weight and dont wish to be confronted with their reality. Then there are the friends and family who (no word of a lie) are convinced that you will change as a person when you have lost weight. So, what are your options?

• Confront it head on and talk to them about their concerns or that you have noticed they are XYZ with you. Discuss, reassure, but above all set your boundaries. This is a decision you are making for yourself and explain clearly that you would appreciate their support.
• Ignore it. Be aware that they are being unsupportive and may even attempt to be sabotaging your efforts, but make a firm commitment to yourself that you will not allow their issues to impede your progress. Enlist a supportive friend as a sounding board.
• Cut them loose. Hard to do and it may not need to be forever, but if you cant confront them and you cant ignore them, distance yourself. This time is about you and you need to put yourself first.

Remember that if the friendship is really forever, then some distance in the short term wont hurt it. Likewise confronting them in an unaggressive and open-minded manner.

More on Toxic Friendships (and what to look out for) can be found here

Spouses are harder to manage as you cant exactly get away from them!

Unsupportive spouses need careful consideration as they are more likely to be sabotaging your efforts out of fear and insecurity (assuming here that they dont have a history of being emotionally abusive). If you are making an effort to look better, feel better and change your lifestyle, some partners can wonder whether this is a prelude to you leaving them, or trying to attract someone new. This may challenge their security.
Also dont forget that when we start to eat better and exercise more, our partners also are affected by this: New meals, looking after the kids while you go to the gym in the evening etc. It can be quite one sided so be sure to have lots of open communication with your partner about these changes. Get their feedback on what impacts them time-wise and show that you value their input and the day to day changes that they will be living with also.

Generally speaking, if your partner is reassured in your affection for them and they feel they have some say over what changes impact them, most likely they will be there for you 100%.